Bad Mom Blog: The 5 Second Rule

Every mom and college frat boy knows the 5-second rule: When food drops on the floor, or any undesirable surface, you have 5 seconds to pick it up before any nastiness is transferred rendering the food inedible. In fact, I even heard a factoid on the news about how some scientists (moms I'm sure) proved that there is some validity to the rule because germs can only transfer from surface to surface so fast-- much longer than 5 seconds, but I can't remember the exact number.


There is some variation in the 5 seconds required for location, food absorb-ability, and general preference. For example, dropping a sucker in the sand is bad because of absorption, but worse is the sucker in the ashtray. Or on the floor of the McDonalds bathroom. You get the idea.

Well, with the first child, even 5 seconds is unacceptable. No dirt must enter the mouth of my child, despite all of the crib chewing, lovey loving, and general exploring. But with the second, 5 seconds is avoided completely by the upgrade: the head-turn.

My youngest child, Kate, eats things off of the floor all of the time. I try not to notice, by a quick turn of the head. She adds a difficulty factor to this in her loves of mooching and throwing.

It all came to a head Tuesday night at Fazoli's. Everyone knows it's 99 cents kids meal night on Tuesdays at Fazoli's, and we were there in force. Kate loves the breadsticks, but kept dropping them on the floor. Then she thought it was fun to throw them on the floor. I think it adds flavoring. At first, I turned my head. But when it became a constant entertainment, I had to intervene with the "Let's eat at the table" comment. She doesn't care. Then she slides it cleverly off the table with a defiant look, and I am forced to throw the breadstick remnants away which leads to the inevitable crying. Ugh. That's the point of the head turn-- avoid the crying.

So, later, as if the throwing isn't enough. Kate shows up from visiting the coloring table with a new breadstick. Where did this mystery breadstick come from? They don't have the friendly old lady passing them out anymore (cost cutting measure), so it's not that. There are several tables nearby, and a helpful lady who told me, "She didn't have that when she walked by a minute ago." But it didn't look dirty, and no one looked mad, so I just hoped for the best. Sam told me that she got it from our table, and I chose to believe the best.

You all feel better about your parenting and worse about mine now, right? Well, no one's sick. Yet.

One last OOF

We took one last Wednesday trip to Oceans of Fun yesterday. It was the perfect trip-- it was about 78 and overcast, and at times ours were the ONLY kids in the entire kiddie pool complex. It was so idyllic and were it like that every day, I'd probably enjoy it much more.

The kiddies loved it, despite their blue lips and shivering out of water. I took a couple of cell phone pics, so you know the kind of outstanding quality that will be provided, but they are pics nonetheless. Sam's eating his picnic lunch (PB&J) and Kate and Chloe are discussing world events...

BMB: The Bad Mom Blog

About this time, historically speaking, I began writing a blog just for me, which I referred to as my Bad Mom Blog. I wrote for about two years in it. I guess I thought I wanted to keep these entries more focused on me and my parenting experiences than on the kids themselves, so I'd keep them separately. Well, my blogging energy (and time) has since dwindled to the point that I am not maintaining both. Rather than dumping all of the posts (there weren't many), I decided to fold them into this blog.

So, Sam and Kate, as you look back at this blog (a.k.a. the only real baby book you'll have), know that I added these thoughts of mine back in for a reason. You now get a special, insider look at what it was like raising you. Maybe you'll laugh. Maybe you'll think, "Wow, that is SO like Mom." Maybe when you have kids you'll look back and realize, as I have, that the emotions are parenting are universal.

All former Bad Mom Blog entries are listed with a BMB prefix in the title for your reading pleasure. Skip them if you wish.

Love, Mom

SO big

You know how you play that game with babies: "How big is Kate?" "SO big!"

I think we should consider a 5-year-old version.

How big is Sam?

SO big that...
...Curious George and Clifford are cartoons for babies. (the books are okay though)
...being denied Wii privileges is a major tragedy.
...I pick what I want to wear and will not be oppressed by your crazy rules about matching.
...I am sometimes too cool for cuddling.
...I know more about Star Wars than my mom.
...my parents are no longer always right. (I know, i thought that was a teenage thing too!)
...it's cooler to be included as the youngest of the big boys than to be the oldest of the little ones.
...I don't understand what's neat about showering or bathing daily.
...I don't need to explore my world because I've already picked the best parts.
...I explore via DS.
...my mom is feeling nostalgic about my little boy growing up!